Whilst completing each of the weekly tasks my thoughts were often turning to the main piece that I was to produce. Naturally completing the tasks generated ideas and I decided to explore 3 different possibilities
My first idea was based around the way we contextualise our place in society which can see us being critical and judgemental of others. I was also interested in the phenomenon around the dark thoughts we have that we keep to ourselves. Thoughts about pushing people in front of trains or committing horrendous acts such as murder against the people we care about most. These forbidden impulses are surprisingly common but rarely spoken of and make up a complex part of our psyche. (Roberts 1995)
In order to demonstrate this side of us I created a video. From this video I extracted 2/3 minutes and planned to voice over with the dark thoughts that many of us experience.
I made a short experimental video without sound.
After reviewing the footage I decided not to proceed with this idea. It would take a long period of time to gather the footage I needed. the above is a short extract from around 20 minutes of footage and most of it was not suitable. In order to gather enough video that will work then it would be a long process and I am not convinced the idea will work. Under the circumstances of working with a deadline then I think this is a project best left for another day.
My next idea was based around the idea of loss. Inspired by the work of Laia Abril and again it is related to the psychological fear of loss that most of us experience during our lives. This fear generally revolves around those closest to us as we imagine life if something tragic happened to them (Jodi Lobozzo Aman 1995). It was these fears that lead me to exploring the idea of that loss in relation to my parents. They are both septuagenarian and in the latter part of their lives so in addition to the discussions we have had to have about them dying It adds to my worry about losing them suddenly. This gave me the idea of what it would be like to photograph the immediate after effects of that loss.
My parents are often away from home so I when the house is empty. I chose a weekend when I could go back and visit and tried to convince myself that My parents had died and I was returning to their house for the first time. I wanted to try and capture the aspects of the home that is both personal to them and items that have been left and are ready to be returned to.
I felt this was a powerful subject and the images would need to be very carefully shot in order to have the maximum impact and I found as I was shooting as I was unable to connect to the emotional element involved. This stemmed from the fact that there was no real tragedy and trying to imagine such an event was just not possible. This fabrication of events undermines the entire idea and this is only something that can be achieved when the circumstances are real. I hope I never get the opportunity.
It’s Been Emotional
Whilst I was working on my first two sets of images I had a third idea based on the work of Robbie Cooper’s Immersion. This idea once more strayed into my personal interest into the psychological aspects of an individual but I wanted to explore a persons emotional response when subjected to extreme types of visual media. I planned to show the effects through a series of portraits shot in a studio. With the first two ideas becoming unviable I felt that this was the strongest option. I discussed this concept with my lecturer and other staff and the university who also agreed that from the three it would be the correct one to take further.